I'm eating all of the evidence.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
