honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
zippers are such a cool invention
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
