Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
