I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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