he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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