Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I look better un-naked...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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