i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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