Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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