last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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