Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
