wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
