hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
