Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
