So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
