very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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