I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How does one acquire holy water?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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