I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
