I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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