WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
