I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
