I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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