yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
