We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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