Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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