i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well I just put wine in my tea
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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