So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
