Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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