is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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