I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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