oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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