He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
