I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
