why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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