I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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