WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
