a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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