You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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