I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
