So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
