She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
