1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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