Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
