Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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