...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
