We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My liver just had a heart attack.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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