I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think i have two assholes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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