your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
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