I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
