she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You're like the curious george of whores
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
