hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
