So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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